Dear Tar Heel Fans,
It was recently brought to my attention that Ryan Switzer wrote an open letter to the public expressing his desire for a great football season this fall.
Never to be outdone, I am also writing you, the general public, to essentially insinuate the same thing. However, there is a key difference between our motivations. That variance is that all of the following bit of writing I've done derives from my deep-seated desire to promote my own upcoming Internet video series.
As some of you are aware, last football season the official University of North Carolina Athletic Website-GoHeels.com-released a string of iconic videos called "Quarterbacking with Caleb Pressley" that were intended to come out every week during the entire season.
For those of you who did not have access to the Internet and other modern technology during that time period, the basic concept was that I'd produce my own content, and then turn it in to the powers that be so they could publish it. The only rule-other than the long succession of understandable no-nos-was that I would submit the videos by their weekly deadline. So, true to my rebellious, nonconformist nature, I didn't fulfill my part of the bargain, and out of 13 games, I made five episodes.
Yet, somehow, even with my lack of follow through with GoHeelsTV, our football season still ended with us winning six of our last seven games, including the Belk Bowl. The perseverance that fueled that strong finish meant a great deal to our university, and even more to me personally. Maybe most importantly, it gave me an opportunity to give myself what I like to call a little celebration vacation.
The next six months after that victorious night in Charlotte, I took it upon myself to travel all around the world-in this sentence, "world" means "Europe"-to discover if there was any truth behind the myth of the possibility of life existing outside of football.
The myth busting business turned out to be tricky and competitive, so I decided to just travel around a bit, learn a few languages, and take pictures of things I could've of just Google Imaged. After months of the monkey business, I arrived back in America intellectually stimulated and physically susceptible to illness and injury.
Due to the combination of my fashionably late approach to spring practice and my insatiable hunger for power, I realized toward the end of my vacation that the next season of my life would not be cloaked in a Carolina blue 16 jersey. Although I knew in my heart, mind, and soul that I'd transcended the student-athlete trade, I found myself muddled in a place of desperation and confusion as to what the next step in my life would be. Ultimately, I was forced to make the hardest decision of my life.
I consulted the people I trusted most, and weighed every pro and con; but in the end, when the quarter landed on tails, I officially decided that I would not finish my UNC career as the bazooka-armed quarterback you have come to know me as; but rather as someone called "Coach Caleb"-another version of myself, just with superior influence, power, and nomenclature. But don't worry; I still have weapons of mass destruction acting as the small muscles in my right shoulder.
What you just read is right. This season, you'll not only get to hear me taunt my former teammates during TV timeouts, but you'll also be able to see me running up and down the sidelines signaling in the plays for our famous fast-paced, up-tempo, no-huddle offense.
Don't worry about the goose bumps you just felt, or the shiver of exhilaration that is currently shimmying down your spine. I am excited too.
Now that you've quickly skimmed through all that stuff I took a great amount of time to type, you should now read the next things I type very seriously, slowly, and probably twice.
This upcoming season, GoHeelsTV and I are teaming up once again to create another weekly web segment; this time entitled "Coaching with Caleb Pressley."
This year's segment will be just like last year's, except with a completely different format, an entirely new assortment of production people, and a very real demand that the videos actually do come out every week. In actuality, the only similarity to last year is that I will still be in front of the camera, and that GoHeelsTV will still not pay me.
The first installment of the new 1-on-1-interview segment will premiere this Thursday, August 21. A new episode with a new guest will surface every Thursday for the remainder of the season. That is until the ratings dictate the show getting catapulted to primetime national television, or dropped completely from all forms of broadcasting for its lack of substance and general quality.
Sincerely, I can hardly wait to get this whole deal underway. I hope that this Slip N' Slide of a segment will serve as an enjoyable supplement to the even more enjoyable Saturday action from our 2014 football team. Also, it should be noted that this letter is better than Switz's.